Learning to Love
by IsItMeYet
Summary: Tony fell apart after breaking up with Steve. Steve is left to pick up the pieces and show Tony that he can love. Warnings: Substance Abuse, Suicide Attempt, and Coarse Language (hopefully there will be some smut in the next section too).


"I dont know what you want me to do Bruce, I haven't spoken to Tony in a year."

"You don't understand, it isn't the normal stuff he pulls. He is sick. He doesn't come out of his room for weeks. He is a recluse (which is surprisingly a lot worse than his normal party boy attitude)."

"I'm sorry I don't know what to say. He isn't my responsibility anymore."

"Steve… I wanted to tell you this in person but it looks like this will have to do. He's back on them."

"I will take the next flight out."

Tony had had addiction issues before. The battle in New York hit him pretty hard, and that drove him to the bottle. This time it was worse. He was on painkillers, all sorts and kinds. The reason for this was obvious, his break up with Steve. Steve was everything to Tony, the only issue was that Tony wasn't comfortable being in love with Steve. Tony had learned to live without love. He had pushed everyone away with his asshole attitude so that nobody ever got close enough to hurt him. That didn't leave much room to love Steve the way he deserved, so Tony ended it. He couldn't bare letting Steve throw his happiness away for a relationship that could never be what he needed.

When Steve entered Tony's house a rush of emotion hit him, this was going to kill him, but the pills were literally going to kill Tony if he didn't stop him. He instinctively went down to Tony's workshop, being that that was where he spent most of his time, only to find cobwebs hanging from the machines and projects Tony had left down there. This was worse than he thought. Building things was Tonys life, if he wasn't down here in his time of need than that meant Tony was broken, maybe he would always stay that way.

Steve rushed up to Tony's bedroom. What he found in it would haunt him forever. There were liqueur bottles and garbage scattered everywhere the eye could see. The room smelt of old food and must. Tony was sprawled out on his bed looking peaceful when Steve saw the pill bottle. He snatched it up quickly and realized that it was empty. He checked Tony's pulse feeling terror flood through him until he felt the heartbeat. He grabbed tony and held him so that his face hung upside down over the edge of the bed so that when he jammed two of his finger into Tony's throat, he wouldn't choke on his own vomit. After a couple of tries he was able to empty the contents of his stomach. Steve pulled him up like a baby resting. He ran to the bathroom with a still unconscious Iron Man in his arms. He turned the shower on hopping in fully clothed, hoping that the water would wake him up.

He sat with Tony pulled tight to his chest in the shower for what seemed like years but couldn't have been more than minutes. Tony's eyes fluttered open, "Well this is odd. If I am in heaven then why is there the grotesquely familiar taste of vomit in my mouth." Steve couldn't believe it, Tony wakes up from a near death experience and all he says is another idiotic joke?

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING TERRIFIED I WAS? I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO DIE AND YOU SIT HER MAKING JOKES?"

Tony jumped, suddenly startled by the loud volume his ex had taken up. Steve pushed Tony out of his arms. He started to sob. What have I done? This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. I just wanted to stop feeling like this. Tony thought. He walked towards Steve trying to console his crying by holding him but ended up just getting pushed again. Steve started pounding on Tony's chest. "How *sob* could... you?" Tony wrapped his arms around him and held him as tight as possible. They fell to the floor, Steve encased in Tony. Tony Soothed Steve until he was able to form coherent sentences.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?"

"that's not important anymore."

"Don't give me that bullshit. I deserve the truth, for once in your life just be straight with me."

"I… I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop feeling like this."

"Like how?"

"Like there wasn't any possible way to keep going. Like no matter what I did I would always be this selfish, cut off, asshole. Like I could never be able to be myself or show what I felt."

"Why aren't you able to do that?"

"Because I'm broken."

"You're not broken."

"I am. I don't know how to be myself. I don't know how to except or show love."

"That's because no one has ever showed you."

Steve took Tonys wet face into his hands and pressed his lips against the others. He tried to convey everything he felt towards that man into one kiss. He wanted to show Tony that he was capable of love.


End file.
